NO, these are not dowry-related demands — these are thought provoking observations for you . Its your marriage and make it as unique as your personality. These thoughts are about bringing dignity, simplicity and respect back into our sacred marriage traditions!These are just Illustrative and not exhaustive . You can keep adding and even suggest how you would like weddings amongst our relatives to improve in its quality . With these few thoughts, think of what suits the bride and groom - that which can retain the sanctity , that which can be a good beginning to a long & lasting relationship :
1) The wedding ceremony must take place with Astrologers and pundits choosing an auspicious time suited to the young couple based on their horoscopes .
Event Managers : Relatives attending marriage( both bride side and bridegroom side) need to be part of the arrangements. That's when there can be real family bonding . Create commitees and groups with family members being part of it. Plan it with them , let them discuss to be present and engaged . Examples can be : Reception committee, catering committee, Kasi yatra group, muhurtam group to get the bride and groom ready ( example uncle to carry /escort bride at appropriate time to stage) them to change their attire after bellam Jeelakarra without getting distracted or delayed. The purpose is to involve relatives and making them feel it's a family function.
2) During the muhurtam, only the bride and groom , their parents with select elders be present on stage .
3) The learned purohit on stage must be given complete control . They need to conduct the proceedings as per Shastras , traditions , customs & practices . When wedding rituals commence, no one will stop him ,instruct him or interrupt him. (Selection of such a priest is also important, maybe priests need to be briefed and told about their importance , so that they donot overdo it . Abundant precaution includes seizing the mobiles of all those on stage especially, the mobiles of purohits !)
4. The rituals like Jeelakarra Bellam , thali , thalambaralu , sapthapathi etc will commence and end within the prescribed auspicious time (as suggested by learned pundits).
5.Wedding by invocation of God , chants & mantras , lighting the holy fire is a very sacred ceremony , its not a film shoot. So,the photographers / videographers must not interfere or stop the rituals for photos. *Photo/ Video should be shot quietly from a distance*. The bride and groom must not pose for the camera. No instructions by photographers. So, its also means "NO TO FANCY AMOUNTS BEING CHARGED BY PHOTOGRAPHERS ".
With mobiles in every hand, suggest a contest .Make relative shoot pictures and award the best photo prize (Best picture is that which captures the mood without disturbing anyone. Those who crowd to click or those who prevent movement must be disqualified ! ).
My last word - Can we avoid pre-wedding shoot ?
6. Economy of scale: Do we need to spend the hard earned money , saved over several years to be spent ( squandered) away in unwanted expenses ? *Grand* doesn't mean Wasteful . Consider these
For the marriage day , make a plan - hour by hour. Have someone (an elderly relative) on each side to oversee its implementation.If you plan the time and stick to it, you can save costs and can also relax .
- Book halls early . Also plan marriage in a smaller hall with only relatives and close friends. Reception for all others can be on any other day ( halls can be cheap on non muhurat days)
- Decoration , if absolutely needed, but can me minimal .
- FOOD : Menu with Traditional preparations , seasonal vegetables can cut costs. No compromise on Quality , yet at reasonable prices per meal to contractor. No water bottles (save environment) and certainly a *No* to wastage of food . Ensure to reserve spaces for the elderly relatives / family friends.
- Photos and videos . Till the 80s , marriage had only B& W photos. Then Videos on tape , then went digital and now editing . While one marriage photo will be hung in the hall, albums and videos hardly viewed ! How many times do you plan to view the videos ? Budget can be low. One photographer and one videographer is enough for each of the programs (like kasi yatra etc) .
- Online broadcast is a serious security concern and must be a big NO . when telecast on and free sites , all those who did not attend can view . However, this can be seen by anti social elements who can check on jewellery worn in the function and gifts being received.
7. There are several programmes which are not part of our culture being included , getting late sometimes well into the night and even delaying the wedding nupitals . For example spending money on choreographers to make all relatives to dance looks comical not professional !
8 ON Gifts . I felt we need to review so am adding . In every marriage we find huge boxed items being given as PRESENT (photographed too!) Or it's bouquet.Flowers in Bouquets wither by the time the festivities end !
No one knows who bought and brought which item, its all a surpise ! The open secret is everyone is aware that the gift may not be of use yet they spend time and buy what they know will not be used !
After the marriage when gifts are unpacked there will be to many of the similar items- clocks , wall hangings sometimes same items , that the parents can set shop on A 2 Z !
'Presents by your presence' is what some people say , yet people do buy 'gifts' that are of no use.
Relatives and friends who are close to bride / groom / their families can find out what they need and can collectively gift something of use .
The best GIFT is always cash !
If you think gift cards and coupons are alternatives, you maybe mistaken.
Gift coupons means they will have to go to that very shop which may not be familiar or it is also possible that the shop may not give value for money.
Gift cards have it's own share of problems in usage like PIN, expiry , etc.Gift card breakage is the portion of gift card value that is never redeemed by the customer or only partially used, eg. suppose the card value is ₹500/ and in a shop he uses ₹401/ . ₹ 99 will be the balance . However the company may say minimum value to be used is ₹100/- which only the company knows ! This unused amount is lost forever and the money is retained by the issuing company as revenue. It can also happen when a gift card is lost, forgotten,, or expires before the full balance is spent.
Make Marriages memories. Cherish the joyful celebrations with family and friends. It's a Marriage for a lifetime!
(This is random musings , personal views and compilations from everywhere. Please do share your thoughts on this article and please do add or delete in the above 'Demands')